blog of testiclese this is where the shit went down, but before you got here

November 27, 2007

Long Time Coming

Filed under: Bad Movies — tj @ 11:56 am

We’ve been doing this bad movie thing for a while, and I’ve started to lose track of all the movies we’ve watched, or at least tried to watch. So I’m going to write down what we saw, and what I thought about it.

The Contract Killer

We started out with a re-print of an older Chinese movie starring Jet Li, re-done with poor voice acting and a hip hop soundtrack. The movie itself wasn’t terrible, there were angry Japanese Yakuza eating their cremated grandfather, a white hitman disguised as a missionary that stabbed people with his crucifix, a jolly sidekick, and a very tall white dude to symbolize the oppression of the western world. Classic shoot em up Chinese movie really, and it delivered well in that regard. The terrible dub merely added to the joy of awesome bad-ness.

Total Recall

There are bad movies, and then there are BAD MOVIES.  Total Recall is a classic for so many reasons, memory implants, fake third titties, psychic mutant aliens, and Arnold.  This was no ones first time, but it was good to view this movie again on bad movie night, giving it the honor it so richly deserves.  Bad movies like these delight with fantastical dialog, like “Get your ass to Mars,” and “OPEN YOUR MIND!”  Plenty of gargling from Schwarzenegger accompanied millions of bullets flying, and a handful of human body shields.  It also should be noted, it’s very difficult for a movie to hit EPIC bad movie status without Michael Ironside.  Also look for a still hot Sharon Stone to fall out of her outfit early on, and a brutal girl fight between Stone, and Rachel Ticotin, who went on to star in Con Air as ‘Guard Sally Bishop.’


  1. My Arnold Impression: RarraGAgaraGAagagARAGARAgh

    Comment by Chris — November 27, 2007 @ 12:27 pm

  2. WOT?!
    Total Recall is a complete classic. It’s got everything!

    I kid you not, I saw this movie probably 10 times at the dollar show, Roseville 4 (RIP)

    Comment by Dave S. Tater — January 13, 2009 @ 1:50 pm

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